Michael doesn't want to upset the staff so he gets Dwight to pass on news about the company's reduced health provisions. Fed up with his nosiness, Jim and Pam pretend they are suffering from a variety of conditions including Ebola, Mad Cow Disease, spontaneous dentohydroplosion, hotdog fingers, nano-robot infection...

Michael arranges a morale-boosting birthday party for Meredith and is determined to come up with the funniest message in her card. Dwight wants a pact with Jim to fight the downsizing, and Michael regrets showing off when Oscar asks for sponsorship for a charity walk being undertaken by his nephew, who has cerebral palsy.

The office staff play a basketball game against the warehouse workers in which Jim shows off to impress Pam and upstage her fiancee who is on the opposing team.

A woman who comes to the office to sell purses gets the male members of staff excited. She rejects Dwight's advances, but Michael reckons he's still in with a chance.